ShadowDance

#5. Star Wars: A New Hope -- The Final Scene Is from a Nazi Propaganda Film

Now, we're not saying that Darth Vader is supposed to be Hitler or something like that -- we're pretty sure that's Luke.
Han is a thinner, less morphine-addled Goering, Threepio is Goebbels and R2 is (obviously) Himmler.

To our knowledge, Kubrick never admitted knowing about this film, but considering that he was trying to figure out how a man would act when driven crazy by isolation and snow, we wouldn't be surprised if he decided to look to Sweden for inspiration.

She heals the magical kingdom, cleansing where she steps, acting as a kind of mystical drain unblocker for fairy tale land, or worse, a digestion-easing probiotic yoghurt packed with bifidius actimadeupscienceword, galloping through the kingdom pushing away all the shit and leaving behind miles of gleaming intestinal passage.

There’s a scene in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus in which Michael Fassbender's android asks why he was created by humans. The unsatisfactory reply comes “Because they could”. It’s an explanation that could just as easily apply to the film itself.

In these tenuously translated subtitles, Thor and Loki (a.k.a. "Rocky") are half-cousins/half-brothers, Earth's Mightiest Heroes are questing after a Rubik's Cube, "mewling quim" receives a harsher connotation, and the Asgardian gods are unceremoniously thrust into the Judeo-Christian tradition. It's a brand new movie!

The Beatles. Tolkien. Kubrick. 1968. Did we mention the part about being some of the first people in the UK to drop acid? Stanley Kubrick's Lord Of The Rings, Beatles-style, had already been cast, too: George Harrison as Gandalf, Paul McCartney as Frodo Baggins, Ringo Starr as Samwise Gamgee and John Lennon as Gollum.

While a Kubrick LOTR would have been fascinating, God knows how much of Tolkien would have actually made it to the final cut. Just ask Anthony Burgess, Stephen King and Vladimir Nabokov how Kubrick film adaptations worked out for them.

Not to mention that The Beatles were not actors. They would have been plugging their own personalities into pre-established Tolkien characters. So the movie would have ended up with a Maharishi-like Gandalf, an over-the-top cutesy Frodo, an angry anti-authoritarian Gollum and a goofily downbeat Sam.

In addition to dinosaurs, there are also giant prehistoric eagles (a fictional creation, as far as science knows today). Naturally, the Vikings ride these giant eagles majestically through the skies. Somewhere along the way, it being the eve of World War II and all, the Nazis attempt to invade the US of A. Their attack fleet is made up, naturally, of Zeppelins. Oh, yes, indeed, the climactic battle of War Eagles would have featured Vikings riding a top giant prehistoric eagles fighting off Nazi Zeppelins over the skyscrapers of Manhattan.

Fashion foreshadowing, long before Sean Connery was Zardoz, he was practicing framing his junk in tiny pieces of tight red fabric. Also, why the red suit? You're a spy. You're supposed to be hidden, there's a black suit right there in front of you. You're looking at it. Fuck it, we're doing red, Thunderball (1965). EDIT: Apparently Red looks Black at night underwater. Good thing he has his reflective shorts on.