Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 10:23 am
RICHARD ARMITAGE
OK everyone, settle down. Martin, we need your help to steal a jewel from the dragon who took my kingdom. And we must act soon, as there are rumors that the dragon is gone, and others may try to seize our homeland.
MARTIN FREEMAN
(hesitates, frowns)
I'm a bit confused. If the dragon's gone, there's no problem. If we're just stealing a jewel from it, you don't get your kingdom back. And if the plan is to kill it, you don't need me to steal the jewel, instead you need about 3,000 more dwarfs.
MARTIN takes ONE STEP FORWARD.
RICHARD ARMITAGE
NO, NO FUCKING WALKING, STOP RIGHT GODDAMN THERE. For YEARS this franchise has taken NO END of shit about the walking. "Waah waah waah, they just walk everywhere, it's all walking, waaaah," in every single goddamn comment thread, every last fucking online forum. Well THAT ENDS NOW. If we're going to travel in THIS movie, it's going to be COOL and AWESOME and NOT AT ALL LEISURELY.
(pause)
Now, choose your pony.
MARTIN FREEMAN
(excitedly)
Ooh, Rainbow Dash, please!
SYLVESTER MCCOY, nobody's favorite DOCTOR WHO, arrives as nobody's favorite wizard, PEDERAST THE BROWN. He demonstrates his wizardly prowess to the audience by having a FACE covered in BIRDSHIT.
The COMPANY is flown out of DANGER and left at the TOP of a TALL, NARROW PEAK, instead of at, oh let's say, the BOTTOM, because EAGLES ARE ASSHOLES.
Мфффф... твърде много спойлери, за поне един от които ме е яд, защото ще развали част от удоволствието от четене на красиво написана книга за хора, които още не са я чели, и то ще го развали по доста груб начин.
Here are 12 films that are lovely to look at, but totally braindead.