ShadowDance

History of teaching math
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter
girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents
from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel
and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two
quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.

While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Please read more about the "history of teaching math":


Teaching Math In 1950
************************
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1960
************************
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.. His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1980
***********************
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math In 1990
************************
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question:
How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees.
(There are no wrong answers)


Teaching Math In 2005
************************
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100.
La cuesta de production es.............
__________________

Clinton, Kerry and Bush died...
Bill Clinton, John Kerry and George W. Bush died and found
themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River,
looking across at the Promised Land.

The Archangel Michael was standing on the other side and
shouted over to the three surprised Americans, "Contrary
to what you have been taught, each of you will have to
wade across the Jordan River."


Michael saw their perplexed looks, & he reassured them
by saying, "Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally
according to your sins on earth. The more you have
sinned the more you will sink into the water."


The three American sages of political lore looked at one
another, trying to determine who shall be the first brave
soul to cross the river.


Finally , George Bush volunteered to go first. Slowly he
began to wade out into the river, and slowly the water
began to get higher and higher, reaching almost to his
waist. George began to sweat, thinking all of his sins
were coming back to haunt him. He was beginning to
wonder if he would ever see the other side. Finally,
after what seemed an eternity, he began to emerge
on the river's bank.


As he stood on the bank, he looked behind him to
see which of the other brave souls was going next.
He was totally shocked to see John Kerry almost in
the middle of the river with water only up to his
knees .


Bush turned to Michael and exclaimed, "I know
John Kerry and he has sinned much, much more
than that."


Before the Archangel Michael could reply, John
Kerry shouted back, "I'm standing on Clinton's
shoulders

things that make you feel like a man
1, OPENING JARS - nnnnngg, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.



2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman
but even saying it to kids makes you the man.



3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.



4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE -
Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.



5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as
you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.



6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.




7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.



8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".



9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.



10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says,
"but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".



11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.



12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR -
Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that, Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.



13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are p***ed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.



14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.



15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.




16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?



17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.



18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.



19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red Lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."



20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the world's best driver.



21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.



22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just third-degree burns"



23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

30 Hurtful Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man
30 Hurtful Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. (giggle and point)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird!!

Best fruitcake ever!
I have to share this with you...It is ABSOLUTE best recipe
for fruitcake I have ever tried and thought you might enjoy
it!

1 cup water - 1tsp baking soda - 1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt - 4
large eggs - 1 cup brown sugar - 2 cups dried fruit - a few
drops lemon juice - 1 cup nuts and 1 gallon whiskey

0-Sample the whiskey to check quality

1-Take a large bowl

2-check the whiskey again to make sure it is of the highest
quality

3-pour 1 level cup and drink

4-repeat

5-turn electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy
bowl

6-add 1 tsp sugar and beat again

7-make sure whiskey is still ok, try another cup

8-turn off the mixer

9-break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit

10-mix on the turner

11-if the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose
with a drewscriver

12-sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity

13-next,sift 2 cups salt, or something, who cares

14-check the whiskey

15-now, sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts

16-add 1 tbs sugar or something, whatever you can find

17-grease the oven

18-turn on the cake pan to 350 degrees

19-don't forget to beat off the turner

20-throw the bowl out the window

21-check the whiskey

22-go to bed.....who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.



Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."



PS:



SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

Strong Pill
Doc, you've gotta help me... my wife just isn't interested in sex anymore.
Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset?
I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.
"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental,
the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE,
understand? JUST one."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..." "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
Our hero expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where his wife has
dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert.
Our hero, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee.
He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say
they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes: he drops one pill into his own coffee.
His wife returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee,
our hero with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish,
his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes.
In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I... need...a man..."
His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too.."

Наш Сашко с поредния бисер:

Какво им е оригиналното на Лъвовете или Землеморията? Едната краде от историческия роман "Испанска Балада", другото е като филм по Sailing Channel.
Брукс и Салваторе са хората, които изковаха фентъзито, напълниха светове, наситени с магия, пълнокръвни и развиващи се. Жалко, че виждаш само Властелина в тях, защото и в единия, и в другия има толкова, толкова повече...
Разбира се, че всичко е въпрос на вкус, но да се твърди, че Тери пише само за пари... Та той е бил адвокат и то успешен, правил е много пари. Само, че обича и да пише и за това е станал писател. Парите му само свидетелстват на каква обич се радва този човек. Колко популярни са книгите му. Как са променили живота на много хора...
Помня изповедта на едно момче, което на 14 затънало. Хашиш, лоши бележки в даскалото, изолация, вечна скука... Един ден чичо му подарил "Мечът на Шанара". Момчето се запалило по книгата и започвайки да чете, бавно се оттласнало от дъното и накрая влезло и в колеж.
Една книга, писана само за пари и без чувство, не би могла да въздейства така. Но Меча е велик роман, роман, който стимулира развитието на жанра, роман, дал началото на сага, която вече четвърт век сгрява душите на десетки милиони фенове.
По подобен начин стои въпроса и за Дризт до Урден, героя, който стотици хиляди тийнейджъри - и много от техните порастнали родители - чувстват като верен приятел.
Така, че не, тези книги затова са класики и бестселъри с растяща популярност, защото не са написани за парите. А за феновете. Феновете, които ги обичат, които са израстнали с тях.
И всеки, който го отрича е сляп и изпълнен с безмислена жлъч човек.

Бах мааму, сега осъзнавам колко точно безсмислено съм се жлъчнала цялата!

И аз точно тва си помислих, бати жлъчното копеле съм :)

Хм, мисля, че е крайно време Спар да се регне в church.bg, ще има голям успех там.

Абе, одете се Упдейтвайте, че като ви погна Представете си с тези ваши критики към великия жанр, колко наркомана сте създали! Не ви ли срам за бедните изгубени души, които не са имали шанс да се гмурнат като Орлин Широв в безкрайните поля на СВЕТИЯ и неподлежащ на критика жанр.

The Dragon wrote:Не ви ли срам за бедните изгубени души, които не са имали шанс да се гмурнат като Орлин Широв в безкрайните поля на СВЕТИЯ и неподлежащ на критика жанр.

Не :р Отивам се боцкам...

Помня изповедта на едно момче, което на 14 затънало. Хашиш, лоши бележки в даскалото, изолация, вечна скука... Един ден чичо му подарил "Мечът на Шанара". Момчето се запалило по книгата и започвайки да чете, бавно се оттласнало от дъното и накрая влезло и в колеж.

Чак се просълзих от умиление...

другото (Землемория) е като филм по Sailing Channel.

Прозрението на годината!