Ами да поспамим малко:р - I'm with Canislav?
Moderator: Moridin
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anime^girl
- Farmer
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 9:01 pm
- Location: Bourgas
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The Dragon
- Elder God
- Posts: 9061
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 9:03 pm
The Guys’ Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
(I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear “the rules”
From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note…… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:- Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just Say It!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us o do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothin is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…… Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, Rugby, Cricket
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
Pass this on to as many men to give them a laugh.
Pass this on to as many women to give them an even bigger laugh.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
(I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear “the rules”
From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note…… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:- Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just Say It!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us o do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothin is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…… Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, Rugby, Cricket
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
Pass this on to as many men to give them a laugh.
Pass this on to as many women to give them an even bigger laugh.
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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The Dragon
- Elder God
- Posts: 9061
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 9:03 pm
Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
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The Dragon
- Elder God
- Posts: 9061
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 9:03 pm
Trust Mom
Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now,
Love, Mom"
Reply With Quote
Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now,
Love, Mom"
Reply With Quote
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
http://homenetw.narod.ru/index.htm
Те това е абсолютен фен!!!! На който не му се чете на руски да пропусне.
Те това е абсолютен фен!!!! На който не му се чете на руски да пропусне.
Не мое да мъмриш, брат!
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The Dragon
- Elder God
- Posts: 9061
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 9:03 pm
Когато бях на 16 г. си мечтаех да си имам гадже.
На 18 най-после си намерих. Но нямаше никакви чувства. Затова реших да си търся сантиментално и много чувствително момиче.
На 21 си намерих. Тя беше толкова чувствителна, че се разплакваше от най-малкото нещо. По цял ден плачеше за какво ли не, а отвреме навреме заплашваше че ще се самоубие. Затова реших, че ми трябва темпераментно, динамично момиче.
На 26 си намерих. Тя кипеше от енергия. Започваше едновременно десет неща и без да завърши нито едно на другия ден започваше нови десет. Отначало беше много интересно, но после започнах да се чувствам като идиот около нея. Много енергия, но без посока. Реших да си търся умно и практично момиче.
На 31 я намерих и се ожених за нея. Тя беше много умна и здраво стъпила и с двата си крака на земята. Беше толкова практична, че се разведе с мене и ми взе всичко което имах.
Сега съм стар и мъдър. И си търся момиче с големи цици.
На 18 най-после си намерих. Но нямаше никакви чувства. Затова реших да си търся сантиментално и много чувствително момиче.
На 21 си намерих. Тя беше толкова чувствителна, че се разплакваше от най-малкото нещо. По цял ден плачеше за какво ли не, а отвреме навреме заплашваше че ще се самоубие. Затова реших, че ми трябва темпераментно, динамично момиче.
На 26 си намерих. Тя кипеше от енергия. Започваше едновременно десет неща и без да завърши нито едно на другия ден започваше нови десет. Отначало беше много интересно, но после започнах да се чувствам като идиот около нея. Много енергия, но без посока. Реших да си търся умно и практично момиче.
На 31 я намерих и се ожених за нея. Тя беше много умна и здраво стъпила и с двата си крака на земята. Беше толкова практична, че се разведе с мене и ми взе всичко което имах.
Сега съм стар и мъдър. И си търся момиче с големи цици.
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
The bluffers guide to looking intelligent on the IMDB forums
Step One - Write all your posts in stages like this.
Step Two -
a) Take a well known, yet classic and well respected, film and say you think it is overrated, as when you use the word "overrated", it is like a full stop and a sound basis to an argument that cannot be argued against.
b) Use the word overrated as much as is humanely possible thereafter.
Step Three - Grab a dictionary and look away from it; flick the pages a little and then let your finger drop (still without looking) and decide to use that word in all your posts for the next three days, repeat after three days. The chances are nobody will use the word in their daily lives and many will never have heard of it and will have to look it up.
Step Four -
a) Call someone a "Troll".
b)Develop the idea. Extend the name, e.g. Trollus Formicus, or even try an Oscar Wilde style approach, e.g. Theres only one thing worse than speaking to a Troll and that... is NOT speaking to a Troll. Ra Ra Ra Ra!!!
Step Five - Learn the language. Acronyms, Leet, Abbreviations etc. But make your own also. Like STYTGAWBOS (Stop Trolling You Troll Go And Watch Bambi Or Something) and then accuse people of being stupid for not knowing what your talking about.
Step Six - Say you hate George Bush AND Michael Moore.
Step Seven - Never admit to losing an argument, just repeat previous posts, and say you don't have time for idiots. Insulting always helps too.
Step Eight - Lose all grip of syntax. It works for Yoda. Funnily enough bad sentence structure makes you look intelligent even when saying the most jaw-dropingly obvious things like "Stopped they must be; on this all depends", when talking about Vader and the Emperor, and he looks intelligent for that. (e.g. A troll, you are). That kind of thing.
This is just a taster from my upcoming book titled the same as this post. In all good shops priced £19.99, it will be.
Step One - Write all your posts in stages like this.
Step Two -
a) Take a well known, yet classic and well respected, film and say you think it is overrated, as when you use the word "overrated", it is like a full stop and a sound basis to an argument that cannot be argued against.
b) Use the word overrated as much as is humanely possible thereafter.
Step Three - Grab a dictionary and look away from it; flick the pages a little and then let your finger drop (still without looking) and decide to use that word in all your posts for the next three days, repeat after three days. The chances are nobody will use the word in their daily lives and many will never have heard of it and will have to look it up.
Step Four -
a) Call someone a "Troll".
b)Develop the idea. Extend the name, e.g. Trollus Formicus, or even try an Oscar Wilde style approach, e.g. Theres only one thing worse than speaking to a Troll and that... is NOT speaking to a Troll. Ra Ra Ra Ra!!!
Step Five - Learn the language. Acronyms, Leet, Abbreviations etc. But make your own also. Like STYTGAWBOS (Stop Trolling You Troll Go And Watch Bambi Or Something) and then accuse people of being stupid for not knowing what your talking about.
Step Six - Say you hate George Bush AND Michael Moore.
Step Seven - Never admit to losing an argument, just repeat previous posts, and say you don't have time for idiots. Insulting always helps too.
Step Eight - Lose all grip of syntax. It works for Yoda. Funnily enough bad sentence structure makes you look intelligent even when saying the most jaw-dropingly obvious things like "Stopped they must be; on this all depends", when talking about Vader and the Emperor, and he looks intelligent for that. (e.g. A troll, you are). That kind of thing.
This is just a taster from my upcoming book titled the same as this post. In all good shops priced £19.99, it will be.
Ridcully: "A few twenty-mile runs and the Dean'd be a different man."
Bursar: "Well, yes. He'd be dead."
Ridcully: "He'd be healthy."
Bursar: "Yes, but still dead."
Bursar: "Well, yes. He'd be dead."
Ridcully: "He'd be healthy."
Bursar: "Yes, but still dead."
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Drizzt Do`Urden
- Jaghut Tyrant
- Posts: 1829
- Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2004 1:33 pm
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