Condoms For Every Man!
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March................... & so on.... ;)"
Да поспамим за разнообразие (Part 3)
Moderator: Moridin
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JaimeLannister
- Forsaken
- Posts: 3103
- Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:31 pm
- Location: Лясковец - София
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Daggerstab
- Arcanist
- Posts: 860
- Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 6:31 pm
- Contact:
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armageddon
- Forsaken
- Posts: 2936
- Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2004 10:24 am
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armageddon
- Forsaken
- Posts: 2936
- Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2004 10:24 am
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty
the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful
consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant
task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the
sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork
from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one
glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured
the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth
bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I
pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and
threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and
poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled
the drink, and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the
house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the
other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again,
and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the
affluence of alcohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as think as you
might drink. I fool so feeblish I don't know who
is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. I'm not drunk you silly
sit! ...
the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful
consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant
task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the
sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork
from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one
glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured
the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth
bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I
pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and
threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and
poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled
the drink, and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the
house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the
other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again,
and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the
affluence of alcohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as think as you
might drink. I fool so feeblish I don't know who
is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. I'm not drunk you silly
sit! ...
Дълбоко в черния Космос, в една черна-черна галактика, около една черна-черна звезда обикаляла една черна-черна планета. Там, край една черна-черна река, която минавала през черна-черна долина, се издигала черна-черна планина. Там под един черен-черен връх, в едни черни-черни скали имало черна-черна пещера. Вътре в черния, непрогледен мрак, имало двама черни-черни хора, които стоели до огън с черен-черен пушек. Двамата мълчали дълго, докато накрая единия проговорил:
- Абе, баджанак, май тези гуми не трябваше да ги палим, а?
- Абе, баджанак, май тези гуми не трябваше да ги палим, а?
„Ние можещите, водени от незнаещите, вършим невъзможното за кефа на неблагодарните. И сме направили толкова много, с толкова малко, за толкова кратко време, че можем да правим всичко от нищо. ... За мен най-лошото в България е чудесното наслаждение, което тук имат хората да се преследват един друг и да развалят един другиму работата.”
-
JaimeLannister
- Forsaken
- Posts: 3103
- Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:31 pm
- Location: Лясковец - София
Това е супер старо и супер якоXellos wrote:Дълбоко в черния Космос, в една черна-черна галактика, около една черна-черна звезда обикаляла една черна-черна планета. Там, край една черна-черна река, която минавала през черна-черна долина, се издигала черна-черна планина. Там под един черен-черен връх, в едни черни-черни скали имало черна-черна пещера. Вътре в черния, непрогледен мрак, имало двама черни-черни хора, които стоели до огън с черен-черен пушек. Двамата мълчали дълго, докато накрая единия проговорил:
- Абе, баджанак, май тези гуми не трябваше да ги палим, а?
"Основната и крайна цел на живота е смъртта и той винаги я постига." Зигмунд Фройд
"PRESENT IS THE TIME INCLUDING ALL TIMES
EACH SECOND IS ETERNITY AS ETERNITY IS NOW
AND NOW IS FOREVER..."
Курвите идват и си отиват, Star craft остава!
"PRESENT IS THE TIME INCLUDING ALL TIMES
EACH SECOND IS ETERNITY AS ETERNITY IS NOW
AND NOW IS FOREVER..."
Курвите идват и си отиват, Star craft остава!
English will rule them all
European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be
the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was
the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will
make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent
"e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi
bl rite n styl
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be
the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was
the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will
make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent
"e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi
bl rite n styl
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
ако 2гб флашка купена току от вас неще да работи може и това да е причината 
„Ние можещите, водени от незнаещите, вършим невъзможното за кефа на неблагодарните. И сме направили толкова много, с толкова малко, за толкова кратко време, че можем да правим всичко от нищо. ... За мен най-лошото в България е чудесното наслаждение, което тук имат хората да се преследват един друг и да развалят един другиму работата.”
Понеже стана въпрос в един разговор за тези и се оказа, че народът масово ги е забравил, аз ги пускам пак :)
Не помня вече сайта, където бяха първоначално, затова ги пускам просто тъй, в четивен вариант :Р
Легенда: В скобите е посочена страната, от която произхожда задаващият въпроса.
Australia FAQ
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
---
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
---
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.
---
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
---
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
---
6. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
---
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!
---
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
---
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
---
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is.... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!
---
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink!
---
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
---
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
---
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
---
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.
---
16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them !
---
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
---
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
---
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
---
20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
---
21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Не помня вече сайта, където бяха първоначално, затова ги пускам просто тъй, в четивен вариант :Р
Легенда: В скобите е посочена страната, от която произхожда задаващият въпроса.
Australia FAQ
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
---
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
---
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.
---
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
---
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
---
6. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
---
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!
---
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.
---
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
---
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is.... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!
---
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink!
---
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
---
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
---
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
---
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.
---
16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them !
---
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
---
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
---
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
---
20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
---
21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Beauty is a luster which love bestows to guile the eye. Therefore it may be said that only when the brain is without love will the eye look and see no beauty.
The meaning of life is 'bucket'
The meaning of life is 'bucket'
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